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November 10th, 2011 at 1:51 am
Oh girl. I feel for you. I just hope you form a strong bond with the baby. Your family needs to be their to help when you give birth and at least for a couple of weeks after. Can’t you go live with your folks for a short while?
November 10th, 2011 at 2:04 am
Go to a nice park, while at the park read a book or magazine while the toddler plays and the infant is in a stroller or something. It helps the toddler get rid of some energy without messing up your place
November 10th, 2011 at 2:12 am
Try to meet other mums some how, coffee mornings.
November 10th, 2011 at 2:36 am
I won’t be easy, but you will cope, there is something inside you that will make you get through each day, your lovely children. You may have many tears but equally you will have as many smiles. Just take each day as it comes, don’t worry if you haven’t put the washing in or done the ironing so what!! Just pace yourself!! Take time out for you and the children and you will find that it isn’t that bad!! Good luck..
November 10th, 2011 at 3:33 am
Look into joining a MOMs club (www.momsclub.org). They are an international organization for stay at home moms and a great resourse for meeting other mothers. It is your best bet for finding people willing to help out a fellow mother.
November 10th, 2011 at 3:40 am
Wow. You have my best wishes. I’m expecting my second child. My first will be 20 months old when she’s born, and I don’t know how I’m going to do it with my husband and family here!!
I would suggest that you seriously relax your standards for cleaning and housekeeping. Don’t stress if the house isn’t perfect – it isn’t going to be for at least 18 years, anyway, so why worry? And lay in a lot of meals in the freezer (see below) so that you can eat well without a lot of effort. I plan to do the Mega Menu Mailer before my second is born, because my husband isn’t much of a cook. Nap when the babies nap. Try to get them on a similar schedule so they’re both down at the same time. Consider co-sleeping – I know that with one, I get a lot more rest that way! Breastfeed, so you don’t have to deal with sterilizing bottles, etc.
Is there anyone who can come stay with you for a while, or could you go stay somewhere? Seems to me that you’re going to have your hands full.
Good luck! 6 months isn’t forever, you’ll do fine. I’ll pray for your husband.
November 10th, 2011 at 4:06 am
The important thing to remember about being a ‘single mum’ is taking time out for yourself occasionally…pop the toddler into day care once a week for a break…or get a friend to baby sit…when newbie baby and toddler are sleeping you can catch up on naps…take time out for yourself…dont get run down by running after 2 babies…go for luch with a friend…get your hair done…even take the kids to the library…most librarys have games and story time…get the toddler involved in those while you can browse in the other sections of the library…your newborn will sleep alot, as newborns do…make the most of her nap times and make special time for you and he other child.
November 10th, 2011 at 4:50 am
Its going to be hard work .. but u will cope because u have to … and dont be afraid to rely upon friends and family thats what they are there for !!
November 10th, 2011 at 5:30 am
dont worry and just relax dont give yourself things to do that you probably wont be able to do
the chores the cleaning will all be there tomorrow but the precious moments with your children wont be
try to be organised and look at things now that you can do to save time in those five months
nearer the time prepare bulk meals
sort out any bills paperwork etc that you can now or before the time
do any decorating now
do any major shopping now
sort out and organise cupboards and things that will get on top of you now
best of all relax and enjoy
sleep when the children sleep
join a mother toddler group for help and support
best wishes and good luck
November 10th, 2011 at 6:17 am
Take every chance you can to rest. I know it sounds obvious, but it is the only way I got thru it. I have a 15 1/2 month old & a 5 month old. their dad left before the baby was born. Try to get in a routine as soon as possible and take every offer of a few hours off.
Oh & forget the housework. It doesn’t matter!!
November 10th, 2011 at 7:10 am
Hats off to you, girlfriend.
That is a lot to cope with.
I dont have children, but my man is due to go to Afghanistan in 8 months time and i am upset already. I dont want him to go.
I dont know how i would feel if i was pregnant with a small child!
Are you living in Army accomodation? I know the Army has support for families and wifes who get left behind. If you can buddy up with another army wife who has small children it would help you out a lot as she would be able to give you advice and company.
I also know there are a lot of websites out there for this sort of thing… try googling the subject and also go on the official Army website.
November 10th, 2011 at 7:41 am
Im a single mother of a baby who’s 5 months old. I think the thought of it is alot worse than actually doing it. My best friend is a single mother to a toddler and a 4 month old. She copes great. You just need some adult company every now and then and you’ll be fine. Dont worry, you’ll manage it. You’re made of tougher stuff than you think you are.
November 10th, 2011 at 8:11 am
Don’t worry you will cope. I had two kids sixteen months apart. It will help if you don’t show extra affection to the new born in front of the older one. The older child may become jealous and start making things difficult. Try and get him/her involved in little things like playing with the baby at nappy changing, putting water on the babies toes at bath time.
I did the above and felt that helped. My kids are very close at the moment, one of each.
Good luck.
November 10th, 2011 at 8:44 am
make sure you have help 4 the 1st four weeks till you get your self into a routine,i have an 8 yr old,2 1/2 yr old and a 15 month old when the 3rd came along i was panicking i couldnt do it as my husband was working long hours but surprisingly i found it so easy to get into a routine.new babies just sleep for the 1st few months which gives u time to spend with your toddler and be able 2 do things around the house.it will be tiring but worth it and as my 2 are so close in age they are practically raising each other!the younger is following the older which makes it easier 4 you!just a warning,if there 2 boys there will be lot of in fighting with them eg toys n stuff but thats a bit away.have a good birth and enjoy your baby x
November 10th, 2011 at 9:17 am
Advertise for a Granny to befriend you?
Someone who has time on their hands, a wealth of experience, who is also lonely, local & loves kids?
I was a single parent, I never had anyone to help (only people who hindered!) so I know it’s tough, but I can’t imagine how you must be feeling…
You’re gonna need a birthing partner someone close who will be there for you, & someone who will help you afterwards…
just try to keep to some sort of a routine
don’t allow yourself to despair – instead, take a take breath
& get on with what you’ve got to do…
& remember to look after yourself too.
November 10th, 2011 at 9:47 am
hi, I just had a baby who is now 5 months, and a toddler who is three. It was harder than I thought, as I thought I new how to handle a baby! no 2 is not a good sleeper, so it is hard being tired all the time.
look into playgroups. they are all over the place, cheap, and a great support network. joing a few different ones in your area and try them out. your toddler will soon get to love playing with the other kids.
make sure you have any equipment you need, like a battery swing, and a double stroller, which will make it easier for you.
November 10th, 2011 at 9:59 am
You will be fine; it makes you very strong. I was a deserted wife with 5 children, the youngest only eight months, 15 years ago. It’s tough, but you can do it. Accept any offers of help that are made. You will be able to meet people in the local baby clinic too- a new baby is a sure conversation starter! i’m sure your husband must feel it too; he’s probably worried sick about you. It’s the “army wife” syndrome! My boss’s husband is an army man, and she has got used to the 5 month absences. It has made her very independent;it takes a strong relationship to cope with those lengthy absences, but there are benefits. You appreciate each other so much more when you are together; you argue less, and of course, there is the money!
Get him to stay in touch every day with you, get him to ring you, to e mail you; my heart goes out to you – what a prospect!
November 10th, 2011 at 10:23 am
i have been in a similar predicament but i am the man my other half got my mother in law and her best friends over to help im sure they will come as the man who was away i felt totally helpless but i still had a job to do. don’t try to do it on your own get friends and family over to help not only will it help you it will reassure your other half that your OK
p.s Ive just left after 23 years and 3 kids
November 10th, 2011 at 10:30 am
i had 3 kids aged 4 and under to cope with.you need a routine at first you think you will never get you all cleaned and dressed and out of the house till you suddenly think god i am getting used to this its getting easier.good luck
November 10th, 2011 at 11:23 am
WOW
You have a lot of wonderful wisdom from all these moms. I felt so warm reading everyone sharing baby experiences. What a great lot of parents! It is true, common sense parenting leaves you with memories so happy that you love to share and help others.
I had a 4 and a newborn when I ended up on my own. Truly I do not know how I did it. Actually, I joined a local woman’s play group. These people moved on to preschool and so on and so on. Other mothers are a great source of support with each other.
My housekeeping standards were lowered. But I always left a clean kitchen when I went to bed at night and made sure the floors were clear. We became frequent visitors to the library and its programmes. We attended anything that was free. I cooked everything in doubles.and froze froze one. I learned to love my microwave. This way, meals heated up nice n fast for that 15 minute break between soccer and basketball practice. I did a lot of volunteer work. This lowered expenses significantly,
Because I was poor, meals were made from scratch. Sometimes I had a garden and that was always wonderful with little kids. Soups, deserts, cookies, treats, etc etc. At one time, I lived in a complex with many mothers in a similar state. One night I might make enough mac n cheese and salad for the 3 families. Next night…another . A few days later the 3rd turn. We had mixed success due to … fussy eaters … but it was also companionship.
Ask a relative … point blank.. to please stay with your in the beginning. Or go “home” for a visit. Most Grandmother, I have found, love to feel needed and to spend time with their grand babies.
By the way. Those two babies have made this welfare momma proud. One was just offered a scholarship for her Masters in Computer Math research at the local Uni; the other is putting together a small business. But … but… yesterday I was teaching them basic soccer and how to read!
When you can, when you can, have hot baths and pamper yourself. Make time for yourself and appreciate yourself. It is really hard. But Insh’Allah your husband will be home sooner than you can say, “Oh the first tooth!”
November 10th, 2011 at 11:52 am
My situation was different, but I think you’ll be just fine. Just take one day at a time, and make your toddler as much a part of helping with the baby as you can. Let him/her get the diapers for you. When the baby sleeps, curl up with yur toddler and snuggle or take a nap and let him/her sleep with mommy during the naps.
My ex husband left me with 2 children and pregnant with the third. The thought of having to do it on your own is a lot worse than the actuality of it.
November 10th, 2011 at 11:53 am
i hate the stupid army
everytime i go in this section
i see women saying they have to take care of their children by them selves for 6 months cuz the husband has to go to the army
wtf
is the government only getting parents to be
well i think u should get ur family to cojme over and help u
November 10th, 2011 at 12:32 pm
I think it is all about how you look at it . To you your husband going away makes you feel that you will be alone but lots of people feel that way even if the partner is around. Anyway,why does he have to go now? Couldn’t he postpone? It sounds like you are thinking like a super mum,you can only do what you can, what I used to do was give the children all my attention in the day and do all the housework whilst they were in bed , there is only months between them, it was hard work but we get through Good luck.
November 10th, 2011 at 12:36 pm
Honey does he really need to go,
Tell him you need him here, can he put it off til the baby comes,
I don’t know much about the army do they have support systems for the wives,
I’ve been by myself since my baby was 2 weeks old and I had 2 elder children and to put it bluntly I was on my a*se,
What if the birth isn’t straightforward,
What if a C-Section is needed.
I’m sorry to sound harsh, but I’ve been there,
Is there anyone who can support you, parents or friends cos this isn’t something you can do alone.
No amount of toddler groups or walks in the park will help you get some sleep in the night, New babies wake every couple of hours
How are you going to get some sleep ???
I feel so sorry for you I wish I could help
November 10th, 2011 at 1:23 pm
i gather it will be hard for you but i aint got any kids yet so dont really know what its like but there is a lot off parents what have to cope on there own but you will be ok
November 10th, 2011 at 1:48 pm
I know this isn’t an answer but…
I wanted you to know that you are not alone in your feelings. I have a daughter who just made 2 in Dec and am due in April… I will have to be alone for the birth and a month afterward… I know it isn’t as long but I just wanted to say I understand how scary it is. Mommy instinct will take over, we’ll make it.
BTW I will be in a brand new town with hubby finishing up job transfer, house sale, etc. back home so my chance of help is zero, and we are not in a position to hire help, the hospital I will be at has childcare for the birth and then a taxi home, I don’t even know how I will be able to go grocery shopping or anything, two kids just seems so impossible.
I am sorry I couldn’t offer advice, just empathy. I don’t mean to rub this in, but you made me feel better because now I will think “at least it’s not 6 months” and I mean that as in Thanks, I am not trying to be mean.
Just trust the mommy in you. It will be over before you know it.